i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
