careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
