Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My ass is underappreciated
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize