What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize