So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
