I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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