I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize