she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
