It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
