Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
