We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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