just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
