In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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