Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
