Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dignity is for republicans.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
