well you can't waste a boner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
