The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
