Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
