All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Terrible idea I love it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize