Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
