just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
