Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize