he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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