i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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