ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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