he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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