I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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