You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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