it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's just like the Real World with babies
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize