Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize