i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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