3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize