I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
