i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
