Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
