to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
