Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
