wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
