grandma shit on top of the toilet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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