I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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