I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
