Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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