There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize