I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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