Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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