Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
