Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize