I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sext me about skeletons
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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