i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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