In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
