He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize