The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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