If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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