You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
