We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
