so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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