Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
