thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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