ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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