Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
