woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
