Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
