you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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