so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
