Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
