They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
