she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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