Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
