Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
