i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
