batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
