alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
