Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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