I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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