Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
