I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize