But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
