Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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