Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
