D3 body, D1 cock
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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