thus making me awesome and them whores
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
