I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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