i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
