I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
