but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
