Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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