Will you blow on my dice?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize