i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize