yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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