Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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