Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
