my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
