the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
