You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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