just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
