Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
