It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
