I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
