Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
