I need help removing her.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
