he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
