I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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