ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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